PURRR-FECTION

31^st May 2012

Thursday // 23pm // 1 day ago

30^th May 2012

Wednesday // 2am // 3 days ago

18^th May 2012

Friday // 10am // 2 weeks ago

18^th May 2012

Friday // 0am // 2 weeks ago

17^th May 2012

Thursday // 23pm // 2 weeks ago

17^th May 2012

Thursday // 10am // 2 weeks ago

16^th May 2012

Wednesday // 23pm // 2 weeks ago

Sonnet 57

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?
I have no precious time at all to spend,
Nor services to do till you require.
Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour
Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you
Nor think the bitterness of absence sour
When you have bid your servant once adieu.
Nor dare I question with my jealous thought
Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,
But, like a sad slave, stay and think of naught
Save where you are how happy you make those.

So true a fool is love that in your will,
Though you do anything, he thinks no ill.

13^th May 2012

Sunday // 0am // 2 weeks ago

06^th May 2012

Sunday // 8am // 3 weeks ago

iamamountainofcavernouspeople asked: Would you please submit a picture of your face to my blog? If you don't mind, that is.

I wouldn’t mind…but I’m curious why a blog that is pretty much never used or updated and only has three posts total—none of which are relevant to anything—needs my submissions?

Not being a douche, just asking why.

06^th May 2012

Sunday // 6am // 3 weeks ago

thedel1 asked: Hey ma'am, how are you doing?

I’m doing quite well.

FYI I took a look at your blog and if you think I’m sending you nudes you can jump off a cliff with your penis in your butt.

Just sayin’. :D

05^th May 2012

Saturday // 5am // 4 weeks ago

jobe00 replied to your post: Oh. That douchebag. I remember your trials and tribulations with that fucker now. What about cyberstalking laws? Consider checking with legal aid or something to see if anything can be done about this bastard?

Alas, no. See also what I said about the lawyer in my last response. In PA the only surefire way to get a restraining order is to have the personal physically attack, assault, or abuse you. Our restraining orders are called “PFAs” or, Protection from Abuse ordinances; there has to be a clearly defined pattern of physical abuse established in order for the courts to issue legal notice that keeps the person from getting physically close to you. Unless I basically walk up to this guy and allow him to cause me physical harm, no one will do anything.

The lawyer I went to specifically after finding that out, I went to in order to get around the PFA thing and establish an actual case of harassment, stalking, and cyberstalking. He was noted as Eastern PA’s #1 for cases of domestic issues and pro-women’s law for at least two decades, specializing in cases with stalkers, rapists, and abusive ex-partners. I did a lot of research and printed out all the information and conversations I’d saved from him as well. I wrote a 20-page legally-worded document to serve as an affidavit of sorts, annotated to correspond with a list of PA state and federal laws, listing the ones he broke and evidence of him violating them. I had a 1-inch binder worth of documentation for this guy and he refused to look at any of it or really listen to anything I had to say after I told him that the guy did most of his hunting and attacking online and that he hadn’t physically harmed me.

The abbreviated version of this is, the best thing anyone in any position had told me to do is to “man up and stop being so sensitive about it,” just ignore him and let him keep coming after me until he’s satisfied, which as I said has been over three years now with absolutely no end. Dude’s still emailing me asking if we can “stop fighting” and “just be friends,” as if I have any desire at all to let such a person into my life again while they’re still not done destroying it the first time.

05^th May 2012

Saturday // 4am // 4 weeks ago

jobe00 replied to your post: Shit. You mean Zach? The dude you were with back down in Georgia or am I thinking of someone else?

No. This is Adam, a dude I dated for not even three months right before I started hanging out with my current boyfriend. I met him online at my old hangout and since he lived in the same state we wound up getting together. Our entire three months was basically him being a whining-ass pussy with absolutely no ambition in life and no drive to do anything with himself, strategically assassinating every pre-existing friendship I had because in order to be a good girlfriend to him, apparently a woman is required to devote her entire time to him and him alone and stroke his ego like she’s trying to make it cum on itself. To that end, within a month of dating him he basically created so much drama at the site where I met him that I had to altogether delete my account and stop talking to everyone else I knew from on there. He frequently used threats—especially ones of suicide—to manipulate me into doing what he wanted. He told me all the time that I was fat and disgusting and the fattest chick he ever dated. He destroyed what was left of my already shaky relationship with my mother. He essentially got me fired from my job at the time because how DARE I go to work instead of staying home and spending time with him! Then he had me spend all the money I had left to live on to get him a huge fucking brand new tattoo and all kinds of other shit. I tried to include him with my friends when he came to visit me, but when I went out to visit him, he and his friends just humiliated me for fun. I could go on and on with all the reasons this dude was not even worth the short amount of time I spent on him.

Finally, after only a couple months of this, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted to break up with him. And you know what? I was even NICE about it. This douchebag was a needy, lazy, stupid, manipulative PSYCHO HEADCASE and how did I break up with him? I invited him over for one last really nice weekend together and, while he was asleep the one day, sat down and poured my heart out into a really nice letter that told him how much I cared about him as a person but that he and I really needed different things out of a partner that I just couldn’t give him, and couldn’t get from him. I sat him down before he left to read it to him and say goodbye, and he wigged the fuck out. He left and sent me multiple messages saying he wasn’t going to make it home, he was going to drive off a bridge, off a cliff, pull over and kill himself. I called 911 and had them locate his car to make sure he was okay andthey sent him back to my house. He guilt-tripped me into spending one last night together because otherwise, if he had to leave, he was going to kill himself.

After that, it was blame-filled suicide attempt after blame-filled suicide attempt, and every time I tried to stop him he made it out to be my fault, even going so far as to just sit there and not actually DO anything but describe to me what it allegedly felt like to slowly die from a pill overdose. I had to stay on the line with 911 for almost an hour until they routed me to the local emergency services where he was 3 or 4 hours away from me, and then dispatch someone to him. When they go there, he was sitting around playing video games and hadn’t even done anything—except manipulate me some more.

Let’s see…what else…

He stalked and harassed one of my oldest online friends and his wife and their newborn child until they threatened ME with a lawsuit because I was the one responsible for him knowing how to get in touch with them. Why? Because the friend and I used to have some romantic feelings for one another after my breakup with another Adam out in California and rather than stay and see them through I moved home. With him being a new father and having a lot of anxieties about that and his relationship, we were talking a lot, and a lot of “What if you and I…” came up in the process. Adam hacked my Facebook account and read through all of our personal emails and took them WAY further than he needed to, accusing me of cheating on him with the guy and starting on a campaign to ruin my life and theirs. He made several posts on my account pretending to be me, saying I was a slut and a whore and I was no good to anyone, that I was a cheater and that I was worthless and deserved to die and pay for what I’d done. He also pretty much gutted all of my conversational archives and sent them to all of his friends, even shit that predated my seeing him by fucking YEARS.

Then, until I really started blocking him everywhere, he was calling my cell phone, my home phone, IMing me on two different messengers, mailing me four or five different places—literally just pressing “redial” over and over and over again for HOURS until I would respond, multiple times a day everyday—making all kinds of threats at me. At one point he said since he had my address and his friends hated me for being a betraying whore just like he did they were all going to come out and pay me a surprise visit because my mom—who I lived with at the time—wasn’t around all day because of her job. I wound up unplugging all the computers and phones and locking all of our doors and windows, locking myself into my bathroom and hiding in the shower bawling until I heard my mom’s voice outside in the hallway. ALL. FUCKING. DAY.

He got my cell phone account canceled because I had a “previous employee” discount from Sprint and, since I wasn’t a current employee, he went to them saying I had a fraudulent account.

He and my best friend at the time and a few of his friends harassed me together non-stop after I was raped. They told me that I deserved it and they asked me for details and they pretended to console me and then went around telling everyone about it and laughing. They all laughed in my face for being victimized.

He moved from four hours away to 40 minutes away and sent me a bunch of notifications via Google while I was at work here last summer to show me that he was close enough to come find me.

The law will do nothing. I actually got myself half thrown out of a lawyer’s office because he practically laughed at me and I asked him if, since he wasn’t willing to represent me, he’d be willing to represent my family and friends when this psycho finally tracks me down and kills me.

BUT ANYWHO…dude acts like I’m out of my fucking head because I don’t want to be with him—or, after the fact, be friends with him or otherwise make any kind of place for him in my life at all—and seriously wonders why. I think the answer is more than abundantly clear.

05^th May 2012

Saturday // 4am // 4 weeks ago

justamus replied to your post: NOT cool. I’m so sorry. Is there something that Tumblr Admin can do?

Probably the same thing Tumblr does for anyone who has a legitimate problem with someone hurting and harassing them: Tell them to shut the fuck up, stop being a pussy, and quit trying to infringe on someone else’s First Amendment Rights.

Cause, y’know…the First Amendment totally exists just to cover the asses of people who intentionally ruin the lives of others for their own amusement…

05^th May 2012

Saturday // 3am // 4 weeks ago

My Apologies…

I’m sorry to friends and followers that I seem to have pretty much halted in any attempt to post anything. Believe me, I want to, I honestly do.

HOWSOEVER…

I can’t, because my ex-boyfriend who has been stalking and harassing me for over three years now has tracked down my account and I don’t trust that I have the freedom or peace of mind to share anything about myself, my life, or my interests with anyone anymore so long as he can access it. I did block him, however I don’t know for sure what blocking someone on Tumblr actually entails other than “shit won’t come up on the Dash anymore.”

So, if you enjoyed my posts and miss them, perhaps you might want to give a shout over to lolroflbbq and let him know that terrorizing women and destroying their lives just because they don’t want to date you is wrong and illegal.

04^th May 2012

Friday // 2am // 4 weeks ago